There are some things in life that go hand in hand – inseparably. First years and box wine.  Second years and box wine…  Anyway, I recently discovered the magical partnership of – work and spam – but funny spam. You start a job and your Inbox is a bland landscape of work-related requests. Then you develop relationships with people around the office, give friends your work address... Next thing you know, you have got your own version of Stumble Upon in your Inbox - a plethora of entertainment…It however comes with a relative amount of pressure as you have to send something equally entertaining back. This is the kind of laugh-mostly-in-your-head-so-no-one-knows-you-aren’t-working-at-work, procrastination material everyone needs to see. A little collection of the best stuff I’ve received and sent in the last week...

 

I give to you:

 

SIX THINGS YOU HAVE TO SEE – TODAY – UNLESS YOU’VE ALREADY BEEN E-MAILED THEM BY ME OR ONE OF MY FRIENDS/COLLEAGUES OR BY SOMEONE ELSE YOU KNOW WHO HAD BEEN E-MAILED IT BY ONE OF THEIR FRIENDS… OR COLLEGUES.

Just trust me.

1  Basically – what I gather from this video is that there are people who want robot legs. This I can almost understand – I’ve thought of the pros and cons of robot legs at least three times. But - what is kind of beyond me is why anyone would want HORSE robot legs. Keep watching past 30secs for the best part.  And she looks so normal…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx6ej0Vh7HE

 

2 HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ANNOY PEOPLE

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."

Begin sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then "cc" the articles to your boss and colleagues with the words ‘For Your Urgent Consideration.’

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Try playing the Nokia Ringtone by tapping a pen on your desk at work. When nearly done, announce: "No, wait, I messed it up," and start again. Repeat this several times.

Ask people mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a black notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Ask that everyone refer to you as ‘Mastership Commander’ and refuse to answer to your real name.

Download ‘who let the dogs out’ as your ringtone and during the chorus point to the most unattractive person in the room.

Write a short story about yourself – call it ‘Legends of The Great _____’ print it, bind it and go around showing it to people saying – ‘It just got published. I’m so embarrassed.’

3 The best ‘wtf’ photo’s. Honestly it’s like every one you look at you actually say ‘WHAT THE FUC*?!’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 Seven-legged spider – this guy is funny. J

From: Jane Gilles


Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm


To: David Thorne


Subject: Overdue account



Dear David,


Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.



Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

 





From: David Thorne


Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm


To: Jane Gilles


Subject: Re: Overdue account



Dear Jane,
 I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. 
I value the drawing at $233.95 so I trust that this settles the matter.



 

Regards,

David.

 







From: Jane Gilles


Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am


To: David Thorne


Subject: Overdue account



Dear David,


Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding

Yours sincerely,

 Jane Gilles





 

From: David Thorne


Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am


To: Jane Gilles


Subject: Re: Overdue account



Dear Jane,


Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.



Regards, David.





 

From: Jane Gilles


Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am


To: David Thorne


Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account



Dear David,


You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?



Yours sincerely,

Jane Gilles





 

From: David Thorne


Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am


To: Jane Gilles


Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account



Dear Jane,



Yes please.



Regards, David.





 

From: Jane Gilles


Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm


To: David Thorne


Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account



Attached <spider.gif>

 

 







From: David Thorne


Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am


To: Jane Gilles


Subject: Whose spider is that?



Dear Jane,


Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.



Regards, David

 





From: Jane Gilles


Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am


To: David Thorne


Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?



Dear David,


Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. 
David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. 
Please make this payment as soon as possible.



Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles







From: David Thorne


Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am


To: Jane Gilles


Subject: Automated Out of Office Response



Thank you for contacting me. 
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.



Regards, David.





 

From: David Thorne


Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am


To: Jane Gilles


Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?



Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.



Regards, David.







 

 

From: Jane Gilles


Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm


To: David Thorne


Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?



Dear David,


As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. 
We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.



Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

 





From: David Thorne


Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm


To: Jane Gilles


Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?



I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.



Regards,

David.

 





From: Jane Gilles


Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am


To: David Thorne


Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?



Attached <spider2.gif>



 

 

 

5 iPod hoodie – I think this is so cool :) 

 

 

6 Epic FAILS… I get a lot of ‘fail’ mail. These are some pretty funny ones.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(THANKS to Kelly, Giselle, Lisa & Tyrone....  )

 

********* To anyone who is in any way upset right now: 

Since I write my blog posts when I have spare time, this normally means while I’m watching TV, pretending to listen to my Mom speak about the new curtains or desperately hung over - so I may have missed a few incredible e-mails that deserve to be here. If this is the case – I apologize and hope you aren’t offended. Although – if you are upset and would like some kind of ‘sorry’ gift I am offering this one amazing spider picture I drew as remuneration…

I would also just like to confess that the creation of this blog made me realize how completely senseless/pointless my last two posts (and the majority before these two) have been and I would like to again, apologize and offer anyone who feels understandably violated the very same smallish spider picture in return for your time.. oh and I should probably thank CTA for the t-shirt. Thank You. You too will all be receiving spider pictures. ;) 

P.S If anyone knows anyone who has those robot-horse legs please please let us all know. I would love to give them a try :D oh and the picture at the start of this blog is a GIANT CRAB and it's not photoshopped!!!